About this guy.

He's not used to kids and he's a locker room homophobe.  I'm explaining a lot about womanhood and power and he's not getting it yet.  He doesn't have sisters.  But I like him.  He makes me laugh.  Humbles me down and gets shit done.  Ain't no fuckin' around.  

When it's just getting started, I throw myself out like I'm casting a line.  I don't know if that's right or not, but all of me goes out and gets dragged back in a hurry.  Always some form of dejection, but I'm not playing that anymore.  I feel good about me and if he wants me, he'll get me.  And I know that he does, so what's the rush?  Where are we going?

Isn't it better when you don't worry about the outcome?

Read this amazing post about pleasure principles and harm reduction.

Restart

Going to start blogging again.  MUST start blogging again.  So much is orbiting around me in my world that some sort of processing and expression must be done about it.  Journaling is obsolete to me.  I'll explore my need for an audience some other time.  

Right now I have a new "romance", really trying to take it slow getting to know somebody who possesses all of the assets that attract me about a human being, trying not to jump on it, squeeze the proverbial bar of soap.  Single motherhood isn't quite a reality, because I live in community, because I commun-icate with my baby's papa, because I struggle, but not like my mother did.  Blessings are flying my way faster than I can handle, and most of the time they wait around for me to notice them, which is a blessing in itself.  I just got the connection for a line of placenta work from an underground midwife that doesn't have the time to do it herself, so a lot of nurturing energy is coming my way.  

I currently feel loved, blessed, and embraced.  It makes me nervous, and I'm trying to shake it.